Wednesday, 28 March 2012


Here we take a look at some of the hardened drinkers that grace our 'Great' British Government.

Mark Reckless - Conservative Politician

Reckless by name, reckless by nature, that's because when the member of parliament for Rochester and Strood get's a drink inside him anything can happen. Some nights he's up to until 11.30pm.

Fave Drink- Dry white wine.

Most Drunk In One Night-  A bottle and a half of Pinot Grigio.

Fave Nightspot- House of Commons bar.

Memorable Drunken Moment- Got wired in the commons bar and missed a budget vote.

Party Trick - Building a fort with beer mats.

Famous Drunken Quote- "I'm vely vely drunk".

Eric Joyce - Labour Politician

The feisty 51 year old Scot is not to be messed with, especially after a night on the sauce. If talk turns to politics, anyone from opposition parties are advised to steer clear. Big Eric is barred from nearly all of the top nightspots frequented by politicians.

Fave Drink - Stella and Whisky

Most Drunk In One Night - 10 pints of Stella, 4 large Famous Grouse whisky's, 3 suicide Tequila's and a Jaeger Bomb.

Fave Nightspot - Any place which will let him in.

Memorable Drunken Moment - Punched and head butted a conservative MP after he looked at him the wrong way.

Party Trick - Biting through a glass bottle.

Famous Drunken Quote - "See you Jimmy".

Paul Farrelly - Labour Politician

The Newcastle born MP loves to be the centre of attention on nights out and often get's the party started by ordering a round of shots and being the first up to sing on karaoke.

Fave Drink - Brown Ale and Vodka Jelly's.

Most Drunk In One Night - 6 bottles of Brown Ale and 14 Vodka Jelly's. 

Fave Nightspot - The Parliament Sports and Social Club.

Memorable Drunken Moment - Wrestled with a man outside the social club after he heckled his karaoke version of Ant and Dec's 'Lets Get Ready To Rumble'.

Party Trick - Can get 5 Vodka Jelly's in his mouth at one time.

Famous Drunken Quote - "I fucking love you Miliband".

Sheryll Murray - Conservative Politician

The Member of Parliament for South East Cornwall is a professional career driven woman, but get a drink inside her and she turns into a loud mouthed embarrassment.

Fave Drink -  Watermelon Bacardi Breezer.

Most Drunk In One Night - Bottle of Lambrini and 6 Bacardi Breezer.

Fave Nightspot - House of Commons Terrace Restaurant and Bar.

Memorable Drunken Moment - Was rude to the Commons doorkeeper when he tried to help her up off the floor.

Party Trick - Resting a pint between her breasts.

Famous Drunken Quote - "I ain't done nuffink".

Charles Kennedy - Liberal Democrat Politician

The former leader of the Liberal Democrats is always up for a drink, whether that be morning, noon or night. The problem for Kennedy is that work often get's in the way of his drinking.

Fave Drink - Anything with more than 10% abv.

Most Drunk in One Night - Due to obscene amounts of alcohol consumption the quantity is unknown.

Fave Nightspot - Hyde Park, second bench on the left.

Memorable Drunken Moment - Caught smoking on a train after playing pub golf. 

Party Trick - Making drinks disappear down his gullet in quick time.

Famous Drunken Quote - "What time is it? It's rehab time!".

Friday, 16 March 2012


Singer Sheeran
Popular singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran was furious last night after Suffolk County Council refused him planning permission to build a Lego house close to his home in Framlingham.

The 21 year old 'A Team' singer had all the pieces collected and was ready to start the building work on Monday, when the council stepped in and refused him permission, stating it would cause too much of a distraction for passing traffic.

What his lego house may have looked like 

Last night an angry Sheeran, who was drunk again, is determined to fight the council tooth and nail for his right to build a Lego house. Ed blasted "I don't see what the problem is, if things go wrong we can knock it down, there's only one thing on my mind and that's getting my Lego house built".

In a statement, Suffolk County Council leader William Wolsey explained the descision, he said "We need to think of the safety of the public, this is a busy road and traffic moves at quite a pace. A Lego house in view, may cause people to stop and observe, which could indeed lead to traffic congestion.... or a massive six car pile up, with cars flipping over on their back wheels and no one wants to see that. So unfortunately for Ed it won't be possible, shame because I like his music, not so keen on him though".

Ed Sheeran who wrote all his songs with a pen was hoping to live in his new Lego house after having problems with the heating in his current place. "Our house get's cold when you cut the heating" he explained.

Friday, 9 March 2012


Here is a look at five celebs who love a bit of gum action.

Britney Spears

Britney Spearmint
Teen sensation turned head-case Britney, has been churning out bubblegum pop songs for years, but would you believe she's completely crazy about bubblegum itself and gets through 3 packets a day. Her love for bubblegum goes all the way back to her school days when she would chew gum in lessons, tap a pen on the desk and dance in the corridors. Her 1999 hit 'You drive me crazy' wasn't about a man she was seeing at the time but about her adoration for bubblegum, stating in the lyrics that it kept her up all night thinking about it. Britney's love of bubblegum did attract a lot of unwanted media attention, in 2007 she famously shaved all her hair off in protest on the ban of chewing gum in Singapore, where thousands of Britney fans were being, she said "deprived of chewing gum". Unfortunately this was ignored by the Singapore government and the ban stood.

P. Diddy/Diddy/ Puff Daddy/ Puffy/ Puff/ Sean Combs/ Sean John Combs 

If you were to talk your way in to having a look around the bad boy rap star's seven million dollar mansion, you might expect to find a room full of guns, what you wouldn't expect to find is a room full of gums, because such is his love for all things chewy, the 42 year old 'I'll be missing you' singer has a whole room dedicated to chewing gum, this room has a high level security system and only a few of those close to Combs have ever been lucky enough to enter. Rumour has it that the Bad Boy records owner has every brand of chewing gum you could imagine, these are all set out in alphabetical order and each flavour is separate.

Sir Alex Ferguson

The fiery Scotsman loves a good chew during matches and can get through a whole pack of Wrigley's Extra strength in 90 minutes. The Manchester United boss is known to get red faced with anger during games so he must have gum to help calm him down, otherwise the safety of players and officials comes under threat. Just ask David Beckham. In 2003 before a match against Arsenal, Fergie only had only half a pack of gum left, so he called Beckham and asked him to pick some up on the way to the game. Becks then forgot and United went down 2-0. Fergie was furious and kicked a football boot at Beckham leaving him with a cut eye. Ferguson is famous for his hairdryer treatment, where he shouts in the face of an under performing player. Former United stars who were unfortunate enough to bare the brunt of Fergie have said it wasn't always that bad, as most of the time his breath was smelling minty fresh.

The Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams

Bearded God botherer Williams once held down a sixty a day cigarette habit, famously chain smoking through his sermons. When the smoking ban took effect in 2007 he was no longer allowed to smoke in church, so Williams decided to quit the fags and took to chewing gum instead. The Welsh born Archbishop loved the gum so much that he often gives out free Hubba Bubba to his congregation and even once gave a speech on how chewing gum can ignite your faith in God.

Denise Nickerson

The 54 year old former actress was a hardened gumslinger and was said to be one of the best at chewing gum of her time, perfecting the art to a tee. This would see her land a dream role as obsessive gum chewer Violet Beauregarde in the 1971 film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Since then acting parts for women who chewed gum were few and far between and for Nickerson work became difficult to find. She quit acting in 1978 and these days works as an accountant at an engineering plant. So now she's just an accountant who's good at chewing gum.