BRITISH COUPLE SCOOP UGANDAN LOTTERY JACKPOT

The Ugandan Lottery HQ where the draw was believed to have taken place

A couple from East Sussex were overjoyed last night as they won the Ugandan Lottery.

Mr and Mrs Arndale from Pevensey Bay in Eastbourne scooped the jackpot of £4004024820.80 Ugandan shillings, believed to be in the region of one million English pounds.

The delighted couple who have been married 31 years couldn't believe their luck when they opened an E-mail telling them they had won the jackpot. "I didn't know whether to believe it at first", said an overwhelmed Mr Arndale, "I shouted to Shelia and told her to come to the computer and we both checked it over and over to make sure we had actually won, when we were both satisfied we entered our details in to the form given, including bank account number and sort code, then sent it off to the Ugandan Lottery HQ, me and Shelia then partyed the night away in celebration, before informing everybody the next morning".

Astonishingly neither Mr or Mrs Arndale can remember even entering the Ugandan lottery and said maybe it was a blessing in disguise. "I can't remember doing it and nor can Shelia", joked Bill aged 65, but sometimes life's like that, we weren't thinking about it or expecting anything and then suddenly one day you check your junk mail and bang, your life's changed forever".

Mr and Mrs Arndale are believed to be the first couple to claim the Ugandan lottery jackpot, although according to a source there are many outstanding claims all across the UK, which may lead to a mass panic to check junk and deleted E-mails.

When asked what the couple are going to do with their new found fortune, Mr Arndale said "A soon as the money is in my bank account, which I have been informed is any day soon, I will be booking a holiday for me and the wife, might even visit Uganda to say thank you".

Unfortunately nobody from the Ugandan Lottery HQ were available for comment, as the contact number we had was not recognised.

JUBILEE EXCLUSIVE: LIZ AND I WERE INSEPARABLE UNTIL SHE BECAME QUEEN

This weekend Queen Elizabeth II celebrates her Diamond Jubilee and people all across the country will be paying tribute to her 60 years as Monarch. However one person who will not be raising her glass to the Queen, is 86 year old former pub landlady Margaret

Birch claims to have been friends with the Queen

Birch. She claims Her Majesty and Margaret were best friends growing up and spent nearly everyday together during their school years. Until one day Liz, as she was known back then, began to change.



"Liz and I just clicked, she was so fun to have around, always making jokes and smiling, we just made each other laugh" said Birch, from Mayfair,Central London. "At school we would try and sit next to each other in every lesson, we would chat and giggle a lot, often getting into trouble with the teacher, even after school had finished we would go to each others houses for tea".

Palace


Despite there being a huge gap in class between the two, this never really bothered Birch as Elizabeth was so down to earth. "I remember the first time I went round hers for supper, I was a little intimidated at first due to the sheer size of the palace she lived in, but she made me so welcome before long I felt relaxed and made to feel at home, I even joined in with ordering the house slaves around, it was such fun". Birch who owned the Rose and Crown pub in Mayfair for 41 years lived in a tatty two bedroom flat in Berkeley Square with her mum and two brothers. She can recall being very nervous when Elizabeth first came round hers for tea. "I really didn't want her to come over. My flat was embarrassingly small compared to her massive palace, but she insisted on it and did not judge me and my family at all, she ate all of her beans on toast and even helped with the washing up".

"We used to sometimes skip school and go to the park"  

Future


The pair were to become closer than ever as they neared the end of their school years and even discussed going in to business together in the future. According to Mother of 3 Birch,  Elizabeth was keen to join her in the pub trade."We used to sometimes skip school and go to the park" reveals Grandmother of 4 Birch. "Maybe smoke a few fags, swig a few bottles of cider, talk about boys, you know normal teenage girl stuff, one day we got talking about the future and I told Liz I always wanted to own a pub, imagine my shock when Liz turned round and said that she did too, so we talked about going in to the pub trade together and she said she would talk to her parents about borrowing some money to get us started".



Change


As time wore on Elizabeth became more and more distant and Birch was to see less of her. "I started to notice a change in her". Said Great Grandmother of 5 Birch. "She wasn't the bubbly Liz I had come to know so well and the jokey side to her character wasn't evident anymore, she was a lot quieter and had developed an attitude where she looked down on people, she wasn't coming out as much and took a long time to return my calls". Nothing, though had prepared Margaret Birch for what was to come only a few months later.


Queen


In early 1952, Birch spoke to Elizabeth for what would be the last time as they said goodbye after a shopping trip together in town. Birch tried to contact her on numerous occasions afterwards but to no avail. Weeks went by and Birch was worried something might have happened to her. She decided to call in at the palace to see if she was ok. "I knocked on the door one day and asked for Liz and they just said she was out and that was that, I couldn't believe she was ignoring me".


"I hope one day she opens up about her past"



Two days after this Birch was to find out from family that Elizabeth was going to be the new Queen of England. "I was shocked" said Great Great Grandmother of 6 Birch. "I couldn't believe it, so I checked the newspaper and there she was, Liz in all the Queen gear, crown and everything, maybe she knew all along, but I don't know why she didn't just tell me. To just stop talking to me like that, it still hurts to this day, maybe she's embarrassed to have been best friends with me now she's the Queen but I know what she's really like".


Despite writing to the Queen twice Birch still awaits a reply. "I was polite in my letters to Liz and said she would still be welcome to join me at the Rose and Crown if she fancied a change, but I haven't heard back so sod her. I hope one day she opens up about her past, but I doubt it".


When asked about the Queen's relationship with Margaret Birch, a spokesman for her Majesty said "There was no such relationship".

The Queen by numbers

The Real Queen

58 Was the number of years the Queen had been on the throne in 2010.



17 Is the number of Pembroke Welsh Corgies in Great Britain, the Queen owns 16. The other belongs to Bobby Davro.


349 Is the number of occasions The Queen has said 'who the hell was that' after meeting a famous celebrity.


278 Is the number of times Prince Charles has requested the doctor to check on the Queen's health in the last year.


6 Was the age of the Queen when she made her first Christmas speech in 1932.


0 Is how many goals the Queen scored in this seasons Premier League.

TUESDAY IS FAST BECOMING THE NEW WEDNESDAY

Comes before Wednesday

According to a recent survey more and more people believe that Tuesday is overtaking Wednesday as the middle of the week, with the public reported to be switching their Wednesday routine to a Tuesday.

The survey released yesterday by the DOTW (Days Of The Week) found that Tuesday was no longer being dismissed as just another day but was becoming more important than Wednesday. The survey figures resulted in 49 per cent of people now believing Tuesday to be midweek, 36 per cent said Wednesday and 15 per cent didn't know what day it was. The survey revealed that people are now doing things they would normally do on Wednesday, on a Tuesday. It's a remarkable turnaround as for many years Tuesday was regarded as one of the worst days of the week, it also uncovered that the public are socialising a lot more on Tuesday than Wednesday and that more people are planning for weekends on a Tuesday as opposed to a Wednesday".

Comes after Tuesday

Ruby a student from Sheffield took part in the survey and agrees that Tuesday is overhauling Wednesday as the most important midweek day. "Whenever it's Tuesday I always think it's Wednesday so I start to do everything I'd normally do on a Wednesday a day earlier on the Tuesday, unless of course I have a particular appointment booked on the Wednesday". 


Not everyone agrees with the survey though and critics from opposing survey's have even accused the DOTW of carrying out the survey on a Tuesday lunchtime and only approached happy people. An angry Alan Day from Midweek Surveys said "These people were having a good day so were more likely to say they preferred Tuesday to Wednesday or in other cases the people were either unemployed so did not have any particular routine, or worked only a four day week so Friday would be part of their weekend, they are just trying to grab the headlines again by cutting corners, I will be making a formal complaint to the Survey's Union at next Tuesday's meeting".  


    

ROTHERHAM ROCKED BY CUP A SOUP CRIME

Police officers in the Rotherham area of South Yorkshire are asking communities to be vigilant against a suspected cup a soup thief who is believed to be stealing people's last packet soup.

Soups just like these are being stolen

This was first brought to the attention of the police last Wednesday, when a 68 year old woman from Brinsworth attempted to retrieve her last packet soup from the box and realised it had been taken.
Her husband, who also lives at the address denied taking the soup, this then led them to suspect theft and they rang the police immediately. When investigating the property police found no signs of a break-in, but they are treating it as burglary. The woman was visibly shaken by the ordeal and has pleaded with police to catch the monster responsible.

As yet there have been no other incidents reported, but information from a local supermarket could lead to a breakthrough. A man was seen to be behaving suspiciously in and around the vicinity of the packet soups, picking up various selections, looking at them intently before placing them back on the shelf, this lasted around about five minutes before the man fled to the frozen food section with his trolley. This is the man police wish to speak to in connection with the thefts.

In a statement yesterday Chief Souperintendent of the South Yorkshire Police a Mr Brian Tazer gave the description of the man, "So far we have gathered enough information to know that this person is male, around 5"8, in his late forties, stocky build with a carrot and coriander top. We also have suspicion to believe that this man may be stealing the soups, taking them back to his batchelor's pad and selling them on. This man is not said to be dangerous but we ask that you do not approach him and if you are to see anything suspicious to contact South Yorkshire Police right away. We thank you for your co-operation and ask that you to remain calm in what is a difficult time for everyone. If you do own a cup a soup collection please ensure you keep it safe at all times".


In the last year the rise in packet food crime has risen by one per-cent, this latest unlawful act being the third incident in the last 6 months. In Chester late last summer after a robbery at a co-op, the police arrested a  gang of youths, finding bags of cigarettes and alcohol worth up to a thousand pounds, among these bags were two packets of instant super noodles, and only as far back as January this year a shop keeper in Bermondsey found himself in hot water when he sold a packet of cous cous that was two days past it's sell by date.


Worried about your packet soup being stolen? Here are a few handy tips to help deter any burglars from snatching your tasty liquid treats. 

• Don't leave your soup packets on full display for everyone to see, try putting them in a kitchen cupboard for safe keeping.
• If you are going away on holiday for a substantial amount of time and are leaving any soup behind, politely ask a neighbour to look after them until you arrive home.
• When you are talking about your lavish cup a soup collection to friends whether it be in person or on the phone, be careful as you don't know who might be listening in.
• If anyone comes knocking at your door saying they are from Batchelors and they have come to check your soup collection, you must ask to see some ID. If your still not sure call the Batchelors hotline to see if this exercise exists.

Your soup concerns!

I am and avid fan of cup a soup and have been drinking and eating the stuff for over 50 years and I can't comprehend why anyone would want to steal someones soup, especially in the winter time when it is most needed. This scumbag needs locking up and if he was to break in to my home and try to steal my packet of minestrone, I'm sorry but I'd cut his balls off, puree them in a blender before force feeding them to him with a soup spoon.

Edna Gatsby, Lincoln 

Being from Rotherham and owning a packet soup collection myself, these certainly are worrying times, so I've decided not to take any chances, until they catch the thief I will be buying my soup in tins.

Paul Chowder, Rotherham

Although it is totally wrong to break into someones house and steal their soup, does anyone perhaps think this person maybe an addict after his next slurp. If so I have sympathy for the person doing this as I suffered with a packet soup addiction for over 20 years and believe me you will do anything for soup. I got so desperate that I once whored myself to a soup factory worker for just a few spoonfuls of asparagus.

Dawn French-Onion, Aldershot


I think not only is this person breaking the law but they're damn right lazy, I mean how hard is it to make your own soup, why do people feel the need to buy this packet stuff, homemade soup is much tastier, just ask my husband Len, he just loves my beetroot and tomato spectacular.


Anne Bishop, Crouton


My wife makes these horrible homemade soups that even a vagrant wouldn't touch, honestly they taste like what I can only describe as a pair of sweaty bollocks, blended into a puree. I would do anything for a cup a soup, but I wouldn't break into someones house, because I'm not a criminal.


Len Bishop, Crouton  

BASIC HOME CARE FOR MARRIED MEN ALSO SLIPPING

Neglected husband

Reports today suggest it's not just the elderly who lack basic care, an inquest also found that husbands across the country are being neglecting by their wives.

The Home Care Review highlighted cases such as; meals not being prepared, unironed clothing and lack of sexual intercourse. It said that on some occasions men were forced  to purchase takeaway food as they had no cooked meal when they arrived home. In another shocking incident a married man had no choice but to look after the children while his wife socialised with friends.

One recently married man from Ealing, West London bravely spoke out about his experience of neglect from his wife, stating that he felt lost after she refused to care for him. In an interview with BBC News he said, "One night I came home from the pub around 10.30pm, really hungry, I went straight in to the kitchen but my dinner was nowhere to be seen, so I ended up having to make a sandwich, after eating it I stumbled on up to bed. I remember waking my sleeping wife by kissing her neck and trying to start intercourse, but she told me I stunk of alcohol and sent me to the spare room, I couldn't believe what was happening".

The Home Care Review did say that there are still many husbands who are satisfied with the level of care from their significant other, but too many were not getting the right levels of support. ERHC commissioner Baroness Shelly Greengrass who led the report, said that changes must be put in place to stop this from happening. "We have to go back to how it used to be, too many women are working long hours and are not leaving enough time for their husbands". She added "Men find it difficult to function on their own and the kitchen can be a very daunting place for them, we are not sure exactly what the solution is but we are working hard in this area to combat the problem".

PIPPA MIDDLETON DUMPS BOYFRIEND FOR LOOKING AT PICTURES OF PIPPA MIDDLETON

Pippa Middleton has split from her long-term boyfriend Alex Loudon after she caught him looking at pictures of her on the Internet.


Pippa who was bridesmaid at sister Kate's royal wedding to Prince William earlier this year, has become somewhat of a sex symbol since then, with her bottom being a focal point. Thousands of red blooded males have browsed the Internet looking at pictures of the 28 year old over the last few months, but unbeknown to Pippa her boyfriend was also part of this lewd act.

LBW: Leave but why?

A close friend of Pippa who has been by her side since the split said "Our little Pip squeak is ever so down hearted, not once had she suspected that Alex was surfing the net for images of her, she opened up the Internet history one day and was horrified to find searches such as 'Pippa Middleton sexy pics' and 'Pippa Middleton's bum'. She feels tremendously let down by Alex and can no longer trust him, she thought he was the one and even whispered to me not so long ago that she may let him touch her famous backside soon, but now he's blown it".

When caught out, ex Cricketer Alex, 31 had no choice but to come clean and declared himself all out of excuses after Pippa found the pics, but a spokesman for the former England batsman claimed there was no ball tampering from Alex during his browsing sessions. "Alex was just curious to see what pictures of Pippa were being put online and insures me there was no sexual gratification on his part, unfortunately Pippa didn't see it that way and feels he crossed the boundary, still they had a good innings and I'm sure he'll move on".

Pippa, now back on the market is believed to have a thing for sporty men. Ryan Giggs is said to be interested.

JUDGE BOASTS ABOUT COURTROOM SENTENCES ON FACEBOOK

The President of the Courts for England and Wales The Lord Chief Justice was today accused of bragging to friends about a four year sentence he dished out to two youths on Facebook.


The pair who can not be named for legal reasons were given a four year jail term on monday for inciting the London riots on Facebook, but in an ironic twist the very man who dished out those punishments could now be in the dock himself for using the same social networking site.http://www.facebook.com/index.php?lh=c33b0553b979646fc90ed6f8f2574310

The Lord Chief Justice who's Facebook name is said to read 'The Chief 'wrote a status around 9pm on Monday night which read "Nailed the bastards for 4 years, Get in". A few friends of The Chief commented on his status, one male friend replied with "I didn't think you would, you wiley old fox, this calls for a couple of stiff ones". In which the Chief responded by saying "I told you I don't piss about, gave the little shits what they deserve, are you coming over then?".  

Serious Allegations

If these allegations are true the Lord Chief Justice could face losing his job and his private life in tatters. A colleague of the Lord who has worked with him throughout his career said "This is obviously some kind of hoax, his Facebook name isn't 'The Chief' it's 'Bob Bennett' because that's his real name". Im not friends with him as he hasn't accepted my friend request yet but im positive it's him, although it's difficult to make out his profile pic". Investigations are still ongoing, The Lord Chief Justice has yet to comment.

JUNIOR CAGE FIGHTING TO TAKE PRIME TIME SLOT ON CBEEBIES

The BBC have controversially decided to broadcast junior cage fighting on popular kids channel CBeebies. It is set to take the place of prime time hit show Zing Zillas and has already raised questions from alarmed parents.

A spokesman for the BBC explained this bizzare descision saying that it is a risky move, but eventually parents will come round to the idea. He added "There has been alot of negative comments about Junior Cage fighting and the dangers it involves but it is refeered properly and striking is not aloud. We see it as a way of educating children from an early age that life is not going to be all about playing with toys and dancing around in meadows, it's difficult out there and you don't want to be growing up thinking everyone is nice and friendly, because there not".

Parents are so far suprisingly split on the idea, 32 year old Alan Walker though is disgusted with the BBC's choice and demanded strongly that they re-consider they're approach or face losing thousands of viewers. "Im absolutely sickened they could do something like this and I will be writing a letter of complaint, I mean what kind of world are we living in, how could they take off Zing Zillas I was really starting to get in to that show".

Single mother of six Karen Thompson, 21 is in favour of the idea, she said" It's good for my youngsters to learn a bit about this sort of thing, I mean my youngest Kyle is far too soft at nusery and often misses out on playing with his favourite toys, so if he can learn some moves all the better for him".

Only last week a Preston social club came under fire for staging a cage fight for lads as young as eight, but it seems the BBC have seen a market in child thuggery, whether it pays off or not remains to be seen. 

SOAP TO RESUME FILMING DESPITE GYPSY INVASION

Producers of the ITV soap Dale Farm have sensationally decided to continue filming scenes even though hundreds of travellers have set up camp on their land.

Filming for the show which is screened 5 nights a week had previously been suspended while travellers and protesters fought to stay. Cast and crew were relieved last week as bailiffs moved in to try and evict them, but at the last minute travellers obtained a court injuction to stall proceedings.

Stuart Blackburn who's descision it was to carry on filming said, 'It's not ideal to film scenes in this situation, but we had no choice but to carry on. We had to compromise with the Travellers so what we have decided to do is have a storyline where Dale Farm is taken over by the gypsies, basically exactly what's happening in real life'. Most of the scenes will be dictated by the travellers, so the script will be limited. We hope this is only a short-term solution'.

The filming started earlier today and actress Emma Atkins who plays Charity Tate in the soap was there to tell all. 'We all felt a little intimidated by the travellers at first, but as the day wore on we found them to be quite good company, there was a low point as some of them trashed the Woolpack pub when they realised we didn't serve real alcohol, but on the upside the drives of the houses are looking really nice'.

The fight for travellers to be evicted is set to rumble on well in to next week, but maybe Dale Farm won't mind after they were impressed with some of the acting they saw, even suggesting that 4 of the travellers could land permanant roles as The Dingle's extended family.http://www.itv.com/