EASTER AN-EGG-DOTES

Here are some rather interesting and funny anecdotes involving Easter that I have received randomly by E-mail.

My name is Mr Hunt and I am a primary school teacher and last year as a little fun for the children I dressed up as an Easter Egg and hid in the school playground while the pupils tried to find me, we called the whole exercise an Easter Egg Hunt as a pun on my name. The kids didn't really get it but I thought it was bloody hilarious.

C. Hunt, Torquay

A few years ago I dated this girl called Karen, she was pretty, funny, intelligent, everything I could wish for in a girlfriend, but after a few months she became more and more obsessive, calling and texting me constantly throughout my day and getting insanely jealous if I even looked at a member of the opposite sex. Eventually I decided to break it off with her. Shortly afterwards I was invited to a 30th birthday party on Good Friday, it was to be fancy dress and Easter was the theme, my flatmate Ed was going as the Easter bunny and was ready waiting for me at the flat, I was running late after being stuck at work, when I got a text from Karen telling me she was at the flat with Ed . I immeadetley began to panic and rushed back, but it was too late, there was Ed boiling in the saucepan.   

Mark, Gateshead

I heard this story, I'm not sure if its entirely true but some of my friends swear by it, there was this man who lived in the area years ago and apparently he was nailed to a wooden cross or something by a load of nasty people for lying to them or something. Anyway it was a complete over-reaction and he was pronounced dead at the scene, well this was on the Friday. The family obviously were devastated and planning to have him buried when suddenly on the Sunday two days later, he came back to life. Amazing.


Cheryl, Bethlehem



I work in an office and all the staff decided this year we would all quit something for lent, some stopped smoking, others stopped drinking, I decided to stop shagging all the blokes in the office, which hasn't been easy I can tell you. Anyway there is this girl called Martha, who bless her is rather large and not to mention stinks of TCP, she said she was giving up Easter eggs for lent, what comes after lent? Easter! we just fell about the place.


Kirstie,  Liverpool


I once saw Take That's Gary Barlow eating a Cadbury's Creme Egg at Kew Gardens. He made a right mess of it as well.

Howard, Kew Gardens

EASTER EGGHEADS

Ever wondered what BBC TWO'S fountain of knowledge the Eggheads favourite chocolate Easter Egg is, well wait no longer.

 Kevin Ashman - "It's just got to be Cadbury's Twirl"

Chris Hughes - "It's Wispa all the way for me"

Pat Gibson - "I love em all but Cadbury's Mini Eggs take some beating"

Daphne Fowler - "It's all about the Kit Kat Chunky, I'm all over it"

CJ de Mooi - "No question about it, M&S' luxury Egg nest"

     

Barry Simmons - "Tough one, I'm going for Flake though, it's yummy in my tummy"

    

Judith Keppel - "What a ridiculous question, everyone knows it's Charbonnel et Walker Dark Chocolate Egg with champagne truffles"

THE DRINKS CABINET

Here we take a look at some of the hardened drinkers that grace our 'Great' British Government.


Mark Reckless - Conservative Politician


Reckless by name, reckless by nature, that's because when the member of parliament for Rochester and Strood get's a drink inside him anything can happen. Some nights he's up to until 11.30pm.


Fave Drink- Dry white wine.


Most Drunk In One Night-  A bottle and a half of Pinot Grigio.


Fave Nightspot- House of Commons bar.


Memorable Drunken Moment- Got wired in the commons bar and missed a budget vote.


Party Trick - Building a fort with beer mats.


Famous Drunken Quote- "I'm vely vely drunk".




Eric Joyce - Labour Politician


The feisty 51 year old Scot is not to be messed with, especially after a night on the sauce. If talk turns to politics, anyone from opposition parties are advised to steer clear. Big Eric is barred from nearly all of the top nightspots frequented by politicians.


Fave Drink - Stella and Whisky


Most Drunk In One Night - 10 pints of Stella, 4 large Famous Grouse whisky's, 3 suicide Tequila's and a Jaeger Bomb.


Fave Nightspot - Any place which will let him in.


Memorable Drunken Moment - Punched and head butted a conservative MP after he looked at him the wrong way.


Party Trick - Biting through a glass bottle.


Famous Drunken Quote - "See you Jimmy".




Paul Farrelly - Labour Politician


The Newcastle born MP loves to be the centre of attention on nights out and often get's the party started by ordering a round of shots and being the first up to sing on karaoke.



Fave Drink - Brown Ale and Vodka Jelly's.


Most Drunk In One Night - 6 bottles of Brown Ale and 14 Vodka Jelly's. 


Fave Nightspot - The Parliament Sports and Social Club.


Memorable Drunken Moment - Wrestled with a man outside the social club after he heckled his karaoke version of Ant and Dec's 'Lets Get Ready To Rumble'.


Party Trick - Can get 5 Vodka Jelly's in his mouth at one time.


Famous Drunken Quote - "I fucking love you Miliband".




Sheryll Murray - Conservative Politician

The Member of Parliament for South East Cornwall is a professional career driven woman, but get a drink inside her and she turns into a loud mouthed embarrassment.


Fave Drink -  Watermelon Bacardi Breezer.


Most Drunk In One Night - Bottle of Lambrini and 6 Bacardi Breezer.


Fave Nightspot - House of Commons Terrace Restaurant and Bar.


Memorable Drunken Moment - Was rude to the Commons doorkeeper when he tried to help her up off the floor.


Party Trick - Resting a pint between her breasts.


Famous Drunken Quote - "I ain't done nuffink".


Charles Kennedy - Liberal Democrat Politician


The former leader of the Liberal Democrats is always up for a drink, whether that be morning, noon or night. The problem for Kennedy is that work often get's in the way of his drinking.



Fave Drink - Anything with more than 10% abv.


Most Drunk in One Night - Due to obscene amounts of alcohol consumption the quantity is unknown.


Fave Nightspot - Hyde Park, second bench on the left.


Memorable Drunken Moment - Caught smoking on a train after playing pub golf. 


Party Trick - Making drinks disappear down his gullet in quick time.


Famous Drunken Quote - "What time is it? It's rehab time!".

PLANNING PERMISSION REFUSED FOR SHEERAN'S LEGO HOUSE



Singer Sheeran

Popular singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran was furious last night after Suffolk County Council refused him planning permission to build a Lego house close to his home in Framlingham.


The 21 year old 'A Team' singer had all the pieces collected and was ready to start the building work on Monday, when the council stepped in and refused him permission, stating it would cause too much of a distraction for passing traffic.

What his lego house may have looked like 

Last night an angry Sheeran, who was drunk again, is determined to fight the council tooth and nail for his right to build a Lego house. Ed blasted "I don't see what the problem is, if things go wrong we can knock it down, there's only one thing on my mind and that's getting my Lego house built".


In a statement, Suffolk County Council leader William Wolsey explained the descision, he said "We need to think of the safety of the public, this is a busy road and traffic moves at quite a pace. A Lego house in view, may cause people to stop and observe, which could indeed lead to traffic congestion.... or a massive six car pile up, with cars flipping over on their back wheels and no one wants to see that. So unfortunately for Ed it won't be possible, shame because I like his music, not so keen on him though".



Ed Sheeran who wrote all his songs with a pen was hoping to live in his new Lego house after having problems with the heating in his current place. "Our house get's cold when you cut the heating" he explained.