ROTHERHAM ROCKED BY CUP A SOUP CRIME

Police officers in the Rotherham area of South Yorkshire are asking communities to be vigilant against a suspected cup a soup thief who is believed to be stealing people's last packet soup.

Soups just like these are being stolen

This was first brought to the attention of the police last Wednesday, when a 68 year old woman from Brinsworth attempted to retrieve her last packet soup from the box and realised it had been taken.
Her husband, who also lives at the address denied taking the soup, this then led them to suspect theft and they rang the police immediately. When investigating the property police found no signs of a break-in, but they are treating it as burglary. The woman was visibly shaken by the ordeal and has pleaded with police to catch the monster responsible.

As yet there have been no other incidents reported, but information from a local supermarket could lead to a breakthrough. A man was seen to be behaving suspiciously in and around the vicinity of the packet soups, picking up various selections, looking at them intently before placing them back on the shelf, this lasted around about five minutes before the man fled to the frozen food section with his trolley. This is the man police wish to speak to in connection with the thefts.

In a statement yesterday Chief Souperintendent of the South Yorkshire Police a Mr Brian Tazer gave the description of the man, "So far we have gathered enough information to know that this person is male, around 5"8, in his late forties, stocky build with a carrot and coriander top. We also have suspicion to believe that this man may be stealing the soups, taking them back to his batchelor's pad and selling them on. This man is not said to be dangerous but we ask that you do not approach him and if you are to see anything suspicious to contact South Yorkshire Police right away. We thank you for your co-operation and ask that you to remain calm in what is a difficult time for everyone. If you do own a cup a soup collection please ensure you keep it safe at all times".


In the last year the rise in packet food crime has risen by one per-cent, this latest unlawful act being the third incident in the last 6 months. In Chester late last summer after a robbery at a co-op, the police arrested a  gang of youths, finding bags of cigarettes and alcohol worth up to a thousand pounds, among these bags were two packets of instant super noodles, and only as far back as January this year a shop keeper in Bermondsey found himself in hot water when he sold a packet of cous cous that was two days past it's sell by date.


Worried about your packet soup being stolen? Here are a few handy tips to help deter any burglars from snatching your tasty liquid treats. 

• Don't leave your soup packets on full display for everyone to see, try putting them in a kitchen cupboard for safe keeping.
• If you are going away on holiday for a substantial amount of time and are leaving any soup behind, politely ask a neighbour to look after them until you arrive home.
• When you are talking about your lavish cup a soup collection to friends whether it be in person or on the phone, be careful as you don't know who might be listening in.
• If anyone comes knocking at your door saying they are from Batchelors and they have come to check your soup collection, you must ask to see some ID. If your still not sure call the Batchelors hotline to see if this exercise exists.

Your soup concerns!

I am and avid fan of cup a soup and have been drinking and eating the stuff for over 50 years and I can't comprehend why anyone would want to steal someones soup, especially in the winter time when it is most needed. This scumbag needs locking up and if he was to break in to my home and try to steal my packet of minestrone, I'm sorry but I'd cut his balls off, puree them in a blender before force feeding them to him with a soup spoon.

Edna Gatsby, Lincoln 

Being from Rotherham and owning a packet soup collection myself, these certainly are worrying times, so I've decided not to take any chances, until they catch the thief I will be buying my soup in tins.

Paul Chowder, Rotherham

Although it is totally wrong to break into someones house and steal their soup, does anyone perhaps think this person maybe an addict after his next slurp. If so I have sympathy for the person doing this as I suffered with a packet soup addiction for over 20 years and believe me you will do anything for soup. I got so desperate that I once whored myself to a soup factory worker for just a few spoonfuls of asparagus.

Dawn French-Onion, Aldershot


I think not only is this person breaking the law but they're damn right lazy, I mean how hard is it to make your own soup, why do people feel the need to buy this packet stuff, homemade soup is much tastier, just ask my husband Len, he just loves my beetroot and tomato spectacular.


Anne Bishop, Crouton


My wife makes these horrible homemade soups that even a vagrant wouldn't touch, honestly they taste like what I can only describe as a pair of sweaty bollocks, blended into a puree. I would do anything for a cup a soup, but I wouldn't break into someones house, because I'm not a criminal.


Len Bishop, Crouton  

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LONDON RIOTS 2011





London Riots 2011 takes you to the heart of Tottenham where the mayhem began back in August. Experience the pain and anger all over again with an overdose of gang culture, theft and violence. This game will keep you so gripped on the action, you'll have no need to step out on the mean streets again. London Riots 2011 gives you the choice of 3 different player modes, including; 

• The hoody- You cause unnecessary violence with your friends and get chased by the police, your mission is to avoid arrest and loot as much as you can before selling on your goods to earn money, the more cash you earn the stronger you become, making it easier for you to outrun the police. Try to loot TV'S, HI-FI'S and Basmati rice as these will earn you the most.
• The terrified shop owner- This is not an easy mode as you will be under siege from baying mobs alot of the time, you must try to defend your shop with whatever weapons you can and try to help the police in catching any thugs who come your way.
• The Police- Possibly the hardest mode of all, heavily outnumbered you must try to stop violent looters with as little force as possible, beware of hurting any youth or you could find yourself in alot of trouble. 

Complimenting London Riots 2011 single player campaign, you'll find an impressive multiplayer gang mode in which you can team up with other hoodlums and take the streets. So what are you waiting for get down to your local store now and buy (NOT LOOT) this game for only £29.99.

Here's what the star's are saying about the new game.

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COLIN FIRTH, ACTOR

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BORIS JOHNSON, MAYOR OF LONDON

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JOEY ESSEX, TV THICKO

DESPERATE COLE BEGS ON STREET

Fallen star Cheryl Cole cut a destitute figure on the streets of Bethnal Green yesterday, where she was seen begging passers by for cash as she lay with just a blanket and a can of Tennants Super.

Desperate Cole yesterday

It is hard to imagine that just over a year ago the former Girls Aloud beauty was the most sought after woman in the country. Yesterday, broke and homeless, she looked unrecognisable. The shiny chestnut locks she once waved around so elegantly in the L'oreal adverts had all gone, now it was just a tangled greasy mess, with roots showing and dirt visible. There was no sign of the glamorous dresses she once wore on the X Factor either, instead she appeared to be wearing an old coat that was two sizes too big, a pair of corduroy trousers and some sandals.

Begging

The public were unaware that it was Cheryl Cole asking them for any spare change and thought it was just your average everday tramp. But 22 year old Bethany Green who lives in the area did recognise Mrs Cole and tried to help the rock bottom star. She told us "I usually just walk straight past the homeless and ignore them, but when I heard a voice that said "Have you got any spare change please pet", I knew it was Cheryl. I'm a big fan of her's and felt I had to help, so I gave her all the money I had on me which was £4.98, I wished her well and went about my business. Unfortunately, when I returned an hour later she was passed out on a nearby bench having spent my money on booze, I was fuming, what's the point in trying to help her if she can't help herself".

Busking

Earlier in the day the 28 year old Geordie was reported to be singing to passers by at a busy shopping centre, laying down an old hat for money to be put in. James Wigwam a local shop assistant was not having any of it though and scoffed, "I was going to throw a pound in her hat, but when I got closer I realised she was hiding a ghettoblaster under her coat and miming the words, so I thought better of it. Maybe she never really had much talent, but it's sad to see her like this".

Support

The lack of support for Cheryl Cole from her family and so called showbiz friends has been evident. When asked about it a few said they had tried to help her but she had refused their offer. One close pal from the streets going by the name of 'Dirty Mark' blamed part of her downfall on Simon Cowell. He explained politely "I blame Cowell, the cunt."

Other fallen stars

Lee Sharpe

The ex Manchester United footballer had the world at his feet in the early nineties, becoming a hit on and off the field, but due to some bad injuries and late nights he found himself playing for Bradford, he briefly made the step up to Icelandic side Grindavik, before retiring from the game in 2003. Desperate for cash, Sharpe then made a few reality TV apperances, including Celebrity Love Island, where he kissed all the girls. Also on the programme was ex Hollyoaks tool Paul Danan and the pair were to become friends. They later decided to go into business together setting up a greasy spoon cafe in Littlehampton called 'Lee Sharpe and Paul Danan's Cafe'. This however turned out to be a disaster as neither could really cook and due to heavy partying the cafe rarely opened before 11am. With no money coming in the cafe quickly closed and the pair went their separate ways. Sharpe eventually moved back to his Mum and Dad's in Worcestershire where he holds down a part-time job in a factory assembling fruit machine reels.

Lenny Henry

Whatever happened to Lenny Henry? That is a question people are asking everyday, well we have the answer. Having shot to fame in the 1980's the comedian began an illustrious career spanning over two decades, until one day in early 2004 people began to question whether Henry was actually funny. After a full investigation and a series of medical tests the Dudley born star was found guilty of fooling the public into thinking he was funny and sentenced to only being allowed on TV for comic relief. Henry believed he was innoncent and battled hard to get back to where he was, but to no avail. His marriage to actress Dawn French also broke down and they eventually split. Little is known of Lenny these days but if rumour is to be believed he got a job working at a Premier Inn. Coventry, off the M6.

Orville

Orville the Duck and comedy partner Keith Harris had people laughing uncontrollably during the eighties and nineties and embarked on numerous successful tours across the country. Unfortunately this eventually put a strain on their relationship. One late night incident in June 1994 at Butlins' Skegness resort the pair came to blows after a heated exchange and the partnership dissolved. Orville attempted to continue on his own but without Keith Harris the act became lifeless. They have since put their differences aside and have made many cameo apperances on TV, but tensions remain visible between the two. Orville now lives a solitary life in a bedsit above Oddbins in Reading.