PIPPA MIDDLETON DUMPS BOYFRIEND FOR LOOKING AT PICTURES OF PIPPA MIDDLETON

Pippa Middleton has split from her long-term boyfriend Alex Loudon after she caught him looking at pictures of her on the Internet.


Pippa who was bridesmaid at sister Kate's royal wedding to Prince William earlier this year, has become somewhat of a sex symbol since then, with her bottom being a focal point. Thousands of red blooded males have browsed the Internet looking at pictures of the 28 year old over the last few months, but unbeknown to Pippa her boyfriend was also part of this lewd act.

LBW: Leave but why?

A close friend of Pippa who has been by her side since the split said "Our little Pip squeak is ever so down hearted, not once had she suspected that Alex was surfing the net for images of her, she opened up the Internet history one day and was horrified to find searches such as 'Pippa Middleton sexy pics' and 'Pippa Middleton's bum'. She feels tremendously let down by Alex and can no longer trust him, she thought he was the one and even whispered to me not so long ago that she may let him touch her famous backside soon, but now he's blown it".

When caught out, ex Cricketer Alex, 31 had no choice but to come clean and declared himself all out of excuses after Pippa found the pics, but a spokesman for the former England batsman claimed there was no ball tampering from Alex during his browsing sessions. "Alex was just curious to see what pictures of Pippa were being put online and insures me there was no sexual gratification on his part, unfortunately Pippa didn't see it that way and feels he crossed the boundary, still they had a good innings and I'm sure he'll move on".

Pippa, now back on the market is believed to have a thing for sporty men. Ryan Giggs is said to be interested.

THE FRANKIE COCOZZA GUIDE TO BEING A ROCK STAR 

 

GETTING STARTED AND BECOMING A ROCK STAR

To become a rock star you must firstly try getting an audition on a reality TV show such as X Factor where many a rock 'N' roll legend was born. If you succeed in this you must try to convince the judges that you are a little crazy and love to have fun with the opposite sex. It doesn't really matter if you can sing or not, if they like you then your well on your way to being a star. Getting a tattoo in an inappropriate place and showing everybody will certainly help you.

STYLE

Growing your hair so it covers your eyes is a must, then you can cooly flick it back with your hand if you wish to see something. Also, try finding some really old jeans that no longer fit you and squeeze yourself into them. Top this off with maybe a leather jacket and some guy liner.

MUSIC

Always let other people write and choose the music for you to sing, a rock star has not got time for that. Cover songs are definitely the way forward.  Don't worry if you can't sing that well, just talk the words into the mic until the chorus, by now it's you they want to see, the music is second.

PARTYING AND GIRLS

You have to love going out on the lash if your to be the next Mick Jagger. Try and go out nearly every night and make sure you're seen doing so. Take loads of shots and always make sure your snogging a girl. You will have your own following of women by this time and that will be what keeps you in the game. Another trick is to repeatedly tell people how much you love girls and going out, just in case they don't get how rock 'N' roll you are.

ATTITUDE

Basically just walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment.  

Martin Johnson's Rugby World Cup Diary

Sunday 28th August 2011

Flying out tomorrow to New Zealand, can't wait everyone is so excited. The boys are really up for this one. Can't wait to see some amazing sights too. Some of the lads are talking about bungee jumping, but I told them I've done that loads of times before and getting a little too old for all that, truth is I'm bloody petrified. I'd much rather take a stroll round the Botanical Gardens or go and see the animals at Auckland Zoo. Sooooooo excited going to get some well needed beauty sleep ready for the morning.

Monday 5th September 2011

Preparation is going well, only 5 days until our first game against the Argies. I'm feeling confident, although I still feel New Zealand are going to be the team to beat. I've studied them religiously over the past week and I want us to be more like them, so I've asked that we play in black, New Zealand weren't keen on the idea so it's just going to be the one game. We've also been working on our own choreographed war dance but some of the lads lack co-ordination.

Sunday 11th September 2011


Good win against Argentina, a bit edgy but we won and that's all that matters. After a tough first game yesterday I said to the boys that they can go into to town for a few drinks to unwind, but not to let it get out of hand and they said 'Of course not boss'. They respect me, they're good lads.


Monday 12th September 2011


What a shit day, the media were at my door early this morning asking questions. The fucking idiots went out until the early hours of the morning, getting drunk, kissing dwarfs and chucking blondes, or something like that. We've had a chat and I've told them that this kind of thing can not happen and we must not draw unwanted media attention again on this trip.


Saturday 24th September 2011


3 out of 3 and a convincing win against the Romanians today, that should get the nation back onside after Dwarfgate. Johnny's kicking was spot on, back to his best. Chilling out in the room with my favourite book, Martin Johnson: The Autobiography.


Monday 26th September 2011


Just when things have calmed down with the press we've been accused of ball switching in the Romania game. Admittedly we did give Johnny his favourite balls to kick with but is it really that big a deal, anyway I've apologised and want to draw a line under it asap.


Thursday 29th September 2011


Big game on Saturday against the Jocks, if we win we're through to the Quarter Finals. The lads are in great spirits and seem to be having good banter with the hotel staff. One of the girls even let them use the walky talkies which was nice.


Saturday 1st October 2011


That was a close one but we beat the Scots and now face France in the Quarter finals. I'm proud of the boys and as a little treat I got each of their wive's and girlfriend's to record a video message for them. Unfortunately for Mike Tindall I couldn't get a response from his wife Zara Phillips, not sure why. I gave him a copy of my autobiography, that should cheer him up.


Monday 3rd October 2011


More bad press! This time one of the girls working at our hotel has made a complaint about 3 of the guys, saying they were making crude sexual comments towards her using a walky talkie. She has gone to the bloody papers and now I've had to do another press conference apologising. I'm not sure whether to believe it or not, I mean she wasn't much of a looker. Anyway, I've had a chat with the three lads and told them that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable and to concentrate on the Rugby.


Saturday 8th October 2011

We are out of the tournament, beaten by the French. The lads and I are gutted we just couldn't do it on the day. Already the media are speculating on me being sacked as coach, but I deserve more of a chance to prove I can be the man to lead this team forward, plus what else will I do, the wife's already told me she doesn't want me hanging around the house all day. Looking forward to going home now, it's been a miserable month for us, just want to get on that ferry and have a nice quiet trip back without any incidents.